I am making more relationships and connecting with people on deeper levels, moving past culture shock, finding my place in church life and in this world, and reaping the benefits of becoming more responsible and organized. I babysat two adorable children on Friday night just to serve. I had been going through my motives as to why I do things... I was serving out of compulsion... because I wanted control.... I wanted to people please... So Friday night I served, because I wanted to love those people. We had a blast!!! Their mom made them mac and cheese (Which I am glad she did, because I can't make that or popcorn to save my life!!). They ate. The youngest didn't want to eat so he had a smidge of a fit... but later chose self-control. The band come over to practice and he fell asleep on my lap as we were singing praises to Jesus... it was so sweet. Then I remembered I didn't brush his teeth yet and tried to wake him up so we could brush them and he just would NOT wake up... so we skipped brushing his teeth that night. The older one and I played bingo and watched a movie... He was able to brush his teeth and we prayed and he went to bed. THen I got to hang with my friends in the band and laugh until I cried... This is just one of the many blessings God has given me recently.
Other things have gotten more difficult... more responsibility means more RESPONSIBILITY, the Lord is giving me more to carry, reaping the consequences of having bad self-discipline and learning things that I should have learned growing up-lessons that when learned as an adult are entirely a new ball game.
God has opened my eyes to this control issue that I have... so dealing with that and seeing how I inflict control on people is frustrating and sad. I really stinks because I can see how ingrained in me it really is. I am constantly seeing new hidden ways I try to control. The good thing is that it makes me reliant on Him on a moment by moment basis.
I also have been having quite a time with my teeth. I now have to have a root canal!!! I want to cry. Actually I did. They said that if it hurts too much before my root canal then I could just pop in to the office and they could just pull the nerve out!! I just started crying right there in the office.... So now I floss 3 times a day... I don't want this to happen again.
I like this becoming an adult thing... I feel consequences- Good and bad. I learn from my mistakes and work toward getting good consequences (I also know God bestows though we don't deserve it), but I am referring to the physical. I floss- no cavities. I workout- more muscle. I spend more time in the word- grow closer to him. I work more- I get more money. Cause and Effect.
