found and wanted

Cause and Effect.

2009-03-08T12:31:00.000-07:00

Life has gotten different out here for me. Things are getting easier in many ways...

I am making more relationships and connecting with people on deeper levels, moving past culture shock, finding my place in church life and in this world, and reaping the benefits of becoming more responsible and organized. I babysat two adorable children on Friday night just to serve. I had been going through my motives as to why I do things... I was serving out of compulsion... because I wanted control.... I wanted to people please... So Friday night I served, because I wanted to love those people. We had a blast!!! Their mom made them mac and cheese (Which I am glad she did, because I can't make that or popcorn to save my life!!). They ate. The youngest didn't want to eat so he had a smidge of a fit... but later chose self-control. The band come over to practice and he fell asleep on my lap as we were singing praises to Jesus... it was so sweet. Then I remembered I didn't brush his teeth yet and tried to wake him up so we could brush them and he just would NOT wake up... so we skipped brushing his teeth that night. The older one and I played bingo and watched a movie... He was able to brush his teeth and we prayed and he went to bed. THen I got to hang with my friends in the band and laugh until I cried... This is just one of the many blessings God has given me recently.

Other things have gotten more difficult... more responsibility means more RESPONSIBILITY, the Lord is giving me more to carry, reaping the consequences of having bad self-discipline and learning things that I should have learned growing up-lessons that when learned as an adult are entirely a new ball game.

God has opened my eyes to this control issue that I have... so dealing with that and seeing how I inflict control on people is frustrating and sad. I really stinks because I can see how ingrained in me it really is. I am constantly seeing new hidden ways I try to control. The good thing is that it makes me reliant on Him on a moment by moment basis.

I also have been having quite a time with my teeth. I now have to have a root canal!!! I want to cry. Actually I did. They said that if it hurts too much before my root canal then I could just pop in to the office and they could just pull the nerve out!! I just started crying right there in the office.... So now I floss 3 times a day... I don't want this to happen again.

I like this becoming an adult thing... I feel consequences- Good and bad. I learn from my mistakes and work toward getting good consequences (I also know God bestows though we don't deserve it), but I am referring to the physical. I floss- no cavities. I workout- more muscle. I spend more time in the word- grow closer to him. I work more- I get more money. Cause and Effect.

February!!!

2009-02-25T21:08:00.000-08:00

February was a fun little month...

I started it off beginning a book called "Boundaries" by Cloud/Townsend. God has just used this book in amazing ways in my life recently. He opened my mind and my heart to reveal something that only those closest to you can reveal and it be okay in your heart. He revealed some sin in my life... He revealed my compliant controlling behavior. This means I can neither say NO or hear it. I couldn't respect people's boundaries, because I didn't know people even had any and I certainly didn't have any. I see this being the root of so much sin in my life and the Lord just wanted to reveal to me, in His mercy, my weakness.

He has been faithful to bring circumstances around for me to use my new boundaries, I am so thankful that I am in a loving community and I can try out boundaries on them and they understand and love me still. I have also realized some apologizing I need to do to people that this has affected. God is so good and continually reveals His mercy and grace to me. :)

I was also able to go to a conference over Valentine's Day!!! It was a mission's conference and I couldn't have spent that weekend in a better place doing anything else!!! It was perfect!! The conference was nestled on the bay in San Francisco. The Lord sure did know what I needed. I was so thankful that I wasn't able to be a poor, pitiful, single that weekend. I was a woman falling deeper in love with her Savior and being reminded that it isn't about location, it is about a RELATIONSHIP with my Lord. He inspired me and led me into areas that he is working that I had no idea about.

I heard stories from the pastor at FBC SF. FBC SF is right beside the Gay and Lesbian headquarters in SF. I heard about how he had a confession booth at Pride week (a celebration of homosexuality for the gay community) that was like the one out of the book "Blue Like Jazz". The idea of the confession booth would be for the Christians to apologize to the people who come to the booth for years of mistreatment and unloving behavior. The pastor's homosexual hairdresser said that that was a "beautiful" idea and that they were certainly going to get beat up for doing this "beautiful" thing, so he and his partner went down there to "protect" the confession booth "because you know how those Christians can be". They were going to protect the Pastor from CHRISTIANS!!! Talk about convicting.

This month I also tried this... it is a century egg... a chinese friend of mine brought it to work and me and one other girl were the only ones who tried it. I ate about half the amount you see here!!!

Lastly, we started Community Groups last week at Church. Since our church doesn't have Sunday school... this is the way that people connect. We meet at a couple's house and spend time learning from each other for 2 hours. The Lord has already started using this time in my life to bring encouragement and a new perspective. Be in prayer as some in Community Groups are not believers and are seeking out purpose for their lives. Pray that people would continue to cling to the Father and a relationship with him and that this would be their one desire.

2009-01-30T07:40:00.000-08:00

So much has happened in January!!!

Once again life has happened... A member of our church that had a motor-cross accident in the middle of December went to be with the Lord on January 10th. He had been in a coma for about a month. His memorial service was on January 17th. There was a quote from his journal that they used "To know God is to know Life". What makes this statement real and true is to see how this man loved God and loved others and to see how this man overcame obstacles because of Christ. He and his wife had been through so much... He had had a rowdy past and they had gone through 3 late term miscarriages and were in the process of adopting. God had allowed those things to happen and it didn't shake his faith. He continued to love God and Love people, I just hope that I finish as well as he did.

A friend of mine had twins!!!! The Lord has certainly laid his hands on this couple. She is still 19 and has 2 babies to take care of. I certainly could not have done that at 19... or now for that matter. Her and her husband are honoring Christ through their commitment to Him and to their family. I am still amazed at her and I don't think that will go away any time soon.

My friend Yasmin came to visit at the beginning of January. We had such a sweet time together. I love her dearly. We made mugs that had Proverbs 19:21 on them. "Many are the plans in a man's hear, but the Lord's purpose will prevail". How true in my life- right now especially!! God has certainly not allowed my plans to succeed, but there is joy and hope knowing that his will!!! Yas is in Spain right now reaching college students for Christ. Ahhh the Lord's plans are certainly good for us!!!!

I also have been working really hard... about 50 hours a week!!! at both Jazz-n-Java and the Animal Hospital. I have put in my application to go overseas this summer, my first choice being Germany. (we will see what God's Plans are though ;D) I am working on language study and working on a speed dating night for Christian singles that are college age :D. I am doing my best to hook up the girls at OCC. I myself am still on my dating sabbatical and enjoying the time to really focus on certain area's of my life and getting my heart prepared for daily life as I walk with Jesus.

New Post

2009-01-28T08:27:00.001-08:00

I have just filled out my app. to go overseas this summer!!!! More to ensue...

Christmas

2008-12-28T20:08:00.000-08:00

God certainly blessed me with a fabulous Christmas. This was the first Christmas away from family. Father did not let his child suffer though. He was such a comfort and brought people to comfort me. I spent Christmas Eve with Cody's family. He dates my friend Cassie. They were all fun and loud. They are a family of musicians and I loved hearing them jam. It reminded me of college, we just needed a hookah. :) We read Luke 2 and ate some Jesus birthday cake. That night I spent the night with Cassie... her parents had gifts out for us to open... We each got a set of pjs. We put them on and stayed up talking about boys and Jesus until 2:30. We got up a 7:30 the next morning and opened our stockings on her parents' bed. Then went to open our Christmas presents. Her father made the biggest breakfast in the world... complete with Waffles, coffee, fresh juice, scrambled eggs, potatoes with cheese and ham and sausage and bacon!!! It was delicious!!!! We watched White Christmas while taking a nap and letting our food settle.... We then got showers and went to see the Curious Case of Benjamin Button... after being depressed we had roast beef sandwiches on texas toast.... Then I left so I could get up the next morning and fall down a mountain!!!

Snowboarding is not like surfing and I stink at it. I went with a friend from work and his friends. We left at 6:30 and after getting half way up the mountain twice and successfully getting up the last time at 1:30 we were able to begin the adventure. I fell so many times... I would fall on my rear and get up just to fall on my face... It was ridiculous!!!!! I ended up hurtin' my wrist. I think it isn't broken. I went snowboarding again with my friend and we looked like we were dancing down the mountain... He was snowboarding backwards to hold me up... I was finally successful in my endeavor to knock us both down... I cried... He was so patient. I have ranked it the 3rd most miserable experience in my life. It may actually come closer to the fifth, but I am an exaggerator.

All in all it was a blast.

My Friends

2008-12-05T19:33:00.000-08:00

Me and Allison

Me and Amy

Me and Nancy and Dick

Me, Nicole and Yasmin.

Dad's Shop and the McFerran House

2008-12-05T19:23:00.000-08:00

This is the truck one of Dad's hands rolled... the police report reads "I was high on meth and rolled it man". He escaped through the back window.... A-mazing.

All of his trucks

The new building.

Keith and Amber's house.

The Happy couple in their new home.

Bo's House

2008-12-05T19:16:00.000-08:00

The Front Door.

The Shop. (You can see the deer head on the top of the dozer)

The inside.

The whole thing.

The first picture of them and their new abode.

Thanksgiving Cont.

2008-12-05T19:10:00.001-08:00

Amber bright and shiny at 4 am.

It was also Amber's Birthday.

Before the hog hunt!!

Me and my Granny.

Me and my buddy Amber.

Thanksgiving

2008-12-05T18:52:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving was fun and interesting... The first night there I boiled a deer's head in a big vat for my brother. The next day I had dinner with my family, rode horses with my dad, and went hog hunting with my brother and his girlfriend. I got up on Friday to go shopping with mom and sadly missed out on cleaning the deer this year the "I shot". I got to see my aunt and uncle and cousins and an old friend in the hospital. On Saturday I went to Norman to see some friends, I didn't get to see everyone I wanted to, but I had a blast. That night I went to see my friends Amber and Keith. On Sunday I flew back to Riverside.

My Mom, brother, me and my Dad

My brother and his girlfriend, Amber and just a few of their 26 dogs.

Amber and my Granny with me and Bo

My Dad getting Buster ready for me to ride.

The ever-so-rare picture of me and Bo.

Life Lessons

2008-11-22T20:35:00.000-08:00

Lesson One: Life is Hard.

I have had a lot of breaking happening lately. One hope, one dream at a time- each comes crashing down. It seems Providence would have huge things happen just to have one lesson learned in my life... If He would just ask, I would do it, so I wouldn't have to learn lessons like this- this being the school of hard knocks. Each brings me back to same place though... each backs up one simple truth: Romans 8: 31-39. I am not exempt. I still suffer (if you call what I go through suffering). Yet nothing- NOT ONE THING can separate us from the love of Christ. That one thing- if nothing else- that one thing I can cling to and put my hope in- everything else is just details. It is that one thing that makes us who are in Christ victorious.

I am also thankful for the difficulties- loves lost, dreams smashed, hopes deferred- they are all discipline and though no discipline seems pleasant at the time but painful, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Which basically says, "Ya ain't gittin' your way now 'cause it is the best thing for ya and I love ya too much for you to git ev'rthin' ya want, but later life will be sweeter and better for you if you learn this now". He loves me too much. Ahh that is good to hear.

Lost Job

2008-11-15T17:17:00.000-08:00

So that job at GDC... God saw fit to remove it... they called yesterday at 3 to tell me that they didn't need me. I was basically laid off before I started. Needless to say I was shocked... speechless really. I am living on a really, really tight budget right now and now I don't have any hours at my other job for the next two weeks. I just kept repeating, "It's okay... I'm okay". I was with my pastor's wife cutting 8 million recipes at the time, so I didn't want to break down and cry. She asked if I was just saying if I was okay or if I really was. I decided it was both. I really did think God knew what he was doing, but at the same time I didn't feel that way. I just cried a couple tears and I was okay. God will provide.

This was such a shocker to my system, but looking at it objectively (like I love to do). This is such a great lesson. I had an opportunity to really trust God. I like those moments. Who wants a life where everything is planned out? I can roll with it. I just recited one of the verses I am memorizing this week... 2 Corinthians 9:8... God is able to abound all grace to us so that in ALL things at ALL times having ALL THAT WE NEED we are able to abound in EVERY GOOD WORK. You know I had already staked a claim in that money that was coming my way... I had plan... good plans... I was going to adopt a World Vision kid and get to advance his kingdom with that as well as a few needed items I needed from a little place called Vicky's;). But you know what... that money was really his and I just wasn't asking Him. I thought I knew what God wanted me to do with that money. They were all my ideas. I learned a valuable lesson and was able to encourage others... God totally has good plans for me... I just need to continue to be faithful in the small things and learn to see that everything is his and he has given me EVERYTHING I NEED FOR ALL THE GOOD WORKS HE HAS FOR ME NOW!!

My November Guest

2008-11-13T23:52:00.000-08:00

My Sorrow, when she's here with me, Thinks these dark days of autumn rain Are beautiful as days can be; She loves the bare, the withered tree; She walks the sodden pasture lane. Her pleasure will not let me stay. She talks and I am fain to list: She's glad the birds are gone away, She's glad her simple worsted grey Is silver now with clinging mist. The desolate, deserted trees, The faded earth, the heavy sky, The beauties she so truly sees, She thinks I have no eye for these, And vexes me for reason why. Not yesterday I learned to know The love of bare November days Before the coming of the snow, But it were vain to tell her so, And they are better for her praise Robert Frost

More pics from the Baptism

2008-11-13T20:12:00.001-08:00

My friend, co-worker and stabilizer Cassie and I!!

Cindy, Cassie and Me!!!

Bruce and Erin!! (Married Couple)

Erika, Gavin, Gabe, and Cooper!!

Cute Gavin!!

More pics of the Baptism.

2008-11-13T20:05:00.000-08:00

Cooper pulling Ethan!!!

Tasha and Dane (Darren's wife and boy, who I babysit)

Cooper pulling Bruce!!

Ellie, Keeley, Jordan and Taylor (Darren and Tasha's daughter, who I also babysit)!!!

High school girls and a college girl from our church!

Baptism!!!

2008-11-13T19:50:00.001-08:00

We had a baptism at our church and in true California style we had it in a pool.... the hot tub of one to be exact!!! Three guys got baptized. One had been a Christian for 13 years, but had been sprinkled as a baby and wanted to follow the New Testament way and get dunked. The second man, Darren, came to Jesus 6 weeks ago. He has decided that Jesus is the path to God he wants to follow. The next man had only come to Jesus a week before the baptism at a dinner explaining what the Bible said it was to be a Christian. He had been serving in church for 3 years before he came to Jesus!!! I am so thankful for my 2 new brothers in Christ... It is amazing to see Christ change lives... I felt like in the midwest that people hardly ever come to Jesus after college, but here are 2 examples!!!!

Jazz-n-Java!

2008-11-13T19:35:00.000-08:00

So this is the coffee shop at which I am a barista. I love working here and seeing the regulars come in. I know so many people now and see them all over Orangecrest. God really blessed me with this job!! I even had a regular give me some of a special spaghetti sauce that is a family recipe today!!! The music is slow and I think I have heard Jewel more in the past two weeks than I did when I was a 15 year old and had her CD on repeat!! ;O)

Eric my boss has recently put me in charge of speed dating, which will start up in January!!! I am so excited!!! It will be a great way to meet new people and help them meet others who would be a good match for them!!! Monday I am going to start working full time at Global Direct Components a tire, wheel and axle manufacturing company here in Riverside. I will still work Monday and Wednesday nights at Jazz-n-Java when I get off at GDC... well at least until January then I hope to only do the speed dating. I am nervous and excited all at the same time about my new job and schedule... I am memorizing 2 Corinthians 9:6-8 to encourage me that God will see me through all this crazy work schedule. Anyway here are some pics...

This is Jazzmo our mascot!!!

The Fall Conference in Big Bear!!!

2008-11-13T19:20:00.000-08:00

I was blessed to go the FDC '08 that the Christian Challenge of USC had a few weeks ago... It was a brilliant time!!! I learned so much from my long term hero Max Barnett!!! Of course he spoke on scripture memory, quiet times and discipleship!!! It was great!!! I met so many new people and was able to be recharged!!!

Where we met.

My friend Val and I rode up the mountain together!!

We also had beautiful scenery!!

It was nice and cool... 70 degrees during the day and 30 at night. It sure beat the 95 degree heat in Riverside. I spent a nice quiet time with God looking out at this scene while basking on a warm boulder. God and I had a long date at Starbucks when I came back down the mountain. Things changed a bit while I was on that mountain!!! I was introduced to some new ideas of what God could have for me and reminded of things forgotten and was deeply encouraged by the lives of a few people!!!

The Grand Reopening

2008-11-13T19:03:00.000-08:00

Our Church moved locations to the new Orangecrest Community Center... and this is our celebration of that!!!!!!

Gavin had gotten his hair cut for the occasion!!

Tanya and Tess Chilled!!

Shawna and my roommate, Katie!!

Tons of people showed and we had In-n-Out!!!

We also had blow up things for the kids to play on!!!!

singleness

2008-10-20T11:41:00.001-07:00

This is something I have been milling on pertaining to life as a single.

Singleness just is.

It is not something to pity someone over. It is just like marriage. It just is what it is. It is a gift just like marriage. I am not in any way swearing off marriage with my whole not-dating-right-nowness. I am simply exploring new territory of life for me. God is allowing me to be blessed in this way right now and it is really a blessing. Comments from people who say, "Don't worry you will find someone", though I appreciate their heart, don't help. It implies that I am not complete. I am fully complete with or without a dude. My purpose, my mission, my goals, my hopes, my dreams are still the same. Don't get me wrong there is a hope for someone, but he will never complete me if he does come along.

I have been thinking of it this way... Singleness is like having a Vanilla Dr. Pepper from Sonic... I love my Van. DP. Sometimes I might want a Strawberry Limeade, but Vanilla Dr. Pepper is a great treat too. I think maybe as I continue drinking my Van. DP day after day that I may really be wishing for my Strawberry Limeade and almost feel discontent with the idea of just having Vanilla DP. But I suppose the same is true with those who get to have Strawberry Limeade for a long time. They struggle with wanting to try Grape Limeade or Cherry Limeade, but they have committed to the Strawberry Limeade. So the issue isn't with the Limeades or the DPs it is with our hearts being content in those circumstances. And being content in the fact that I can go to the creator of both the Limeades and the Van. DP and get what I need from his eternal waters.

.... Wow ... I may have taken the analogy too far, but you get the point.

Sleeping Beauty..

2008-10-13T12:04:00.001-07:00

Where I get my much needed beauty sleep.

My Life Here.

2008-10-13T11:55:00.000-07:00

My Church Family

The Court Yard to my Home

My Home from the Ground

Our Living Room

The View From our Living Room

the goodness of hope delayed

2008-10-12T12:52:00.000-07:00

Isn't it funny how sometimes you are allowed the things you want most and other times are forced to deny yourself...

Okay here is an example...

There was once this guy who was just super fabulous, or I thought he was anyway:) He was SO cute and had A-MAZING character... anyway.... Like any smitten girl I would daydream. I would be hanging out with him in groups and would just wonder how his hand would feel and what his eyes looked like up close when you are really able to gaze into them. I was forced to deny myself those little hopes. But later on he asked me on dates and I was able to experience those things. God had allowed me to experience them.

Now the day is here when I am denying myself once more and seeing God take certain little hopes that I have and not allow them to happen... I want desperately to be overseas and to see friends and family. I even have this little growing hope, though I am perfectly content in my singleness, that one day there would be someone I could team up with and do ministry with, whose heart would be for proclaiming God's love to the nations, who would choose the harder road, who would fear and love God more than anything else in this world. These hopes are delayed.

I must admit that there is satisfaction in the delayed hope. Because of God's grace I am able to know that He has good plans for me and he will never leave me or forsake me, whether any of these things come to be or not. I may never get to go to the nations, I may never get to see my friends and family and there may never be that someone... and all that is okay. I guess the joy comes from knowing that I can approach God with these things and he hears and he cares and I am able to have this glorious relationship with him and lean on him and that he will sustain me in my weakness and that whether I go overseas or not, He will be proclaimed among the nations. That is a nice feeling.

A new treasure..

2008-09-29T23:41:00.003-07:00

I am reading this book, Live Life on Purpose, and it has in some ways described things that I see in my life and pointed out the blind spots. Here are a few of the excerpts I really love and am in the process of chewing on.

"Just because you read your Bible, go to church, throw in a college degree, achieve some impressive accomplishments and raise a good family and shake those all up in a long life, it doesn't mean that out falls a life that counted for the eternal."- pg. 31

"When God tells you to follow Him, He is not obligated to reveal you destination immediately."

-quote from Henry Blackaby pg.32

"If you live without a vision of the glory of God filling the whole earth, you are in danger of serving your own dreams of greatness, as you wait to do the 'next thing' that God tells you. There are too many over-fed, under motivated Christians hiding behind the excuse that God has not spoken to them. They are waiting to hear voices or see dreams-all the while living to make money, to provide for their future, to dress well and have fun."- Floyd McClung

"I was on the wrong path, not because the path was bad, but because God had designed me for another greater journey"

"The status-quo of getting a job, getting married, having 2.5 kids, the picket fence, two cars , going to church on Sundays (maybe even Wednesday nights), being in a cell group-all of this is considered the normal Christian life in America. It is not bad, but it has little to do with the journey that God is laying out for us to join into. For some, their map is even an old calling from God that the can't let go of. When you learn new facts about the world and new insight into how God is moving, you must be willing to hear a new calling from God and let Him give you a new map."

"To get the pearl of great price, you have to purchase the field. It will cost you something to jump paths. Not because it is a real loss, but because you have stored up treasure in the wrong place and you will have to leave it behind. But the gain our weighs the loss in the end, even if you lose everything, because on the journey your value system will change. Our treasure will change."

"We are on a journey where each step that God directs us toward is going to seem to require greater faith and sacrifice than the last one."

"We are going to see that the people God uses in His journey are not people who have incredible, unwavering faith; so much as they are normal people that are willing to take the next step down the path."

And I am okay with that...

2008-09-28T20:20:00.000-07:00

Today I was a sub for Penny, who is still recovering from a few things, in Kidszone. Kidszone is CHAOS with a more marketable name. I taught the 4 and 5 year olds with the assurance there would be around 5 and it would be really easy. I prepared my lesson and made my "Celebration Circles" to get ready. I arrived with only half a cup of coffee in me (maybe that is where it all started going wrong) and only two students... THEN more came in two by two... until there were 10... that's right TEN! **bright side: this means more people came to church** There has never been a longer hour in my life, except for maybe those times that I was writing papers in college and felt like I was going to die. This was up there. The little darlings crawled in places I could not even dream of them fitting in, the climbed the unclimbable and did things with stickers and makers that would surprise the most seasoned professional. I couldn't even get through the lesson. I simply caved to games and coloring. When the parents came in the doors I felt like the French on D-Day. I felt so unfeminine. What kind of woman can't take a few kids for an hour and have a blast? I see all these other women doing it. Why can't I be like little Miss Susie Homemaker and be good with kids?

A few reasons I think: 1. I was one of two kids... no experience with the younger species... and believe me they are a species. 2. I like people who at least can behave like humans and not wild monkeys. 3. It was my first try. 4. It could be that God never intended me to have the 5 children I hope to have one day.

I have decided that it is mainly numbers 1 and 3, closely followed by 2, and I dearly hope I can learn to be able to disprove number 4.

A dear, dear woman from church encouraged me by saying that she too waits at the fence for the parents sometimes. Maybe this was a fluke and I am simply applying one instance to all children. Racism only with kids... Maturatism, Ageism... hmm... there needs to be a word.

At any rate I have decided to try again... maybe I can learn to handle the little dears better.

The Compass

2008-09-27T15:53:00.001-07:00

Wow... So much has happened this past week. My head is still spinning. I found out Monday that a friend of mine is SURPRISINGLY having twins, Thursday my other friend had her second baby a day early and yesterday a friend of mine lost her baby, she was 5 months along in the pregnancy. She is actually having the baby today.

As I have pondered all these events, I am even more convinced that God is GOD. He gives and he takes away and we feel the blessings and the moments that feel like it couldn't get any worse. Though all this is going on all around us and happening to us, God never changes. He is still good and he is still sovereign. It is in these stretching times that we must grasp on to dear life the TRUTH. Clinging to verses like Romans 5: 3-5, "We rejoice in our afflictions, because we know that affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character and proven character produces hope, This hope does not disappoint, because God's love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us." And when we are reaping the consequences of our sin Romans 5: 20, "But where sin multiplied, grace multiplied even more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace will reign through righteousness, resulting in eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." God may have brought heavy loads to each woman in her own right, but he has forsaken none of them, on the contrary, he is bringing each closer to himself and, as the song goes, tenderly breaking each one through their respected blessing/trial.

My heart hurts and rejoices with each one of these women, but it is all for a purpose, God's good and Perfect purpose. I recently read in a book by Claude Hickman entitled Live Life On Purpose. In it he says, "A map is not always bad, but in the journey God will often lead you where there are no roads. You can't entrust your life to maps. The only way to be sure of your course in life is to trust something greater than the maps-a compass."

V for Vendetta

2008-09-09T20:19:00.000-07:00

THE BIG NEWS

2008-07-25T23:38:00.001-07:00

I AM MOVING TO RIVERSIDE, CA!!!

love...

2008-07-25T12:59:00.000-07:00

I made her . . . She is different, She is unique, With love I formed her in her mother’s womb. I fashioned her with great joy. I remember, with great pleasure, the day I created her. (Psalm 139:13-16)

I love her smile, I love her ways, I love to hear her laugh, And the silly things she says and does. She brings Me great pleasure. This is how I made her. (Psalm 139:17)

I made her pretty and not beautiful, Because I knew her heart, And knew she would be vain . . . I wanted her to search out her heart, And to learn that it would be Me in her That would make her beautiful . . . And it would be Me in her That would draw friends to her. (1 Peter 3:3-5)

I made her in such a way, That she would need Me. I made her a little more lonesome Than she would like to be . . . Only because I need for her to lean and depend on Me . . . I know her heart, I know if I had not Made her like this, She would go her own chosen way And forget Me . . . her Creator. (Psalm 62:5-8)

I have given her many good and happy things Because I love her. (Psalm 84:11, Romans 8:23)

Because I love her, I have seen her broken heart . . . And the tears she cried alone. I have cried with her, And had a broken heart, too. (Psalm 56:8)

Many times she has stumbled And fallen alone Only because she would not hold My Hand, So many lessons she’s learned The hard way. Because she would not listen To My voice . . . (Isaiah 53:6)

So many times I have sat back And sadly watched her go Her merry way alone. Only to watch her return to My arms, sad and broken. (Isaiah 62:2)

And now she is Mine again . . . I made her, and then I bought her . . . Because I love her. (Romans 5:8)

I have to reshape her and remold her . . . To renew her to what I had planned for her to be. It has not been easy for her, Or for Me. (Jeremiah 29:11)

I want her to be conformed to My image . . . This is the high goal I have set for her, Because I love her. (2 Corinthians 2:14)

Dreams and Adventures

2008-07-16T06:24:00.000-07:00

My life has recently been turned around completely...

I left a school I had been at for 5 years.

I sold a truck I had had for 7.

I moved out of a house I had been in for 3.

AND broke off a relationship that I had had for 2.5 years.

All this in a week in May.

I am now at a really unique place in life, a real live blank slate. I have no place to live, no job, and a little money in the bank to get me wherever God takes me.

I could go to Germany and see so many of my friends and speak German, or live in Norman with my friends, or Konawa with my family, or go to San Diego (my very favorite city), or to Huntington Beach...

But you know where I feel God leading... Riverside, California.

Two words: Smog, Desert.

I am in the process of getting counsel right now.

All of this is showing me that I am not in the center of my world... God has way bigger plans than I could ever dream of for myself. He is so faithful to keep pushing me past little rest stops I choose to take in my life, to this big, wonderful world of adventure that I get to be a part of!!!!

One of my very deepest dreams and desires is to be a missionary in Africa.

I fell in love with Africa in 6th grade when studying a mountain gorillas and reading biographies of Diane Fossey. I love how wild and vast Africa is. It is beautiful. The PEOPLE are so beautiful.

Who knows, maybe moving to Riverside is the next step to that dream or maybe God has something totally different in mind. All I do know is that it will be a total adventure!!

Starting over again...

2008-07-03T21:09:00.000-07:00

Isn't it bittersweet? ... this idea of a new beginning, so much hope, yet so many regrets. They have been constant, beloved, hateful companions of all of us. The regrets and the time lost and the wishes of wanting to go back and change just a few decisions, these come with the start over. Knowing the fools we have been and the opportunities missed are almost too much to bear sometimes. The sweetness comes in being made conscious of the fact we are making a mistake. That little voice calls out and says, " There isn't something quite right about this." In light of the voice we are faced with a decision to follow the voice's leading or continue on the path. Some choose to ignore it, choosing to remain on the path chosen, for the cost is too high for them. Some want to change, but when faced with the hard choices of changing, choose the same old path, fearing the unknown. Some however choose to believe the voice's warning and follow. These few are the blessed ones, for these experience the sweetness of knowing they were... stupid and can now change that pattern. I hope to be the one who knows how stupid I truly am!!!

Larry Christy in Laguna

2008-07-01T15:36:00.000-07:00

I saw this man's work and it is AMAZING... They are these huge masterpieces! I love his use of color!